Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts

Wednesday, 4 January 2017

My New Year's Resolution: Work Less, Live More




It's around this time, when my bodily constitution is around 40% alcohol, 20% pigs in blankets and the remainder squishy, squidgy Camembert rolling over my waistband, that the post-Christmas regret sets in and I frantically scribble down a list of all of my favourite pastimes, whack the word STOP in front of them, and off I go, lumbering into the New Year, unlikely resolutions tucked in my back pocket - and the faint whiff of imminent failure (along with rotting sprouts) already carrying on the air.

Let's face it, the only way I'm going to stop all my guilty pleasures is if someone wires my jaw shut in the night, brings back prohibition and closes every nightclub in London (if Westminster Council have their way, the last one is a distinct possibility). Yep, I'm an embarrassingly old Graver (grey raver): one foot in the rave.

I don't mean to kill your "New Year, New Me" buzz as you skip off happily to the gym, chanting positive mantras and sipping on a green juice that you got up at 6am to prepare, but in my experience these out-of-character transformations tend to fall on their arse approximately three weeks into January when, suffering from stress, SAD and disillusioned by Dry January, my phone jumps back into life as various mates fall off the wagon...and back into the pub. Thank God for that. I hate drinking alone.

I'm not dismissing making positive changes to your life; on the contrary, I'm all for learning, improving and evolving, but I find that change happens when you're mentally in the right place - not because society dictates that the first of January is the day on which we ditch all our bad habits and become mung bean-munching paragons of virtue. It's just not realistic.

Change is more sustainable when it stems from passion rather than obligation. Last year I rediscovered my love of writing. Maintaining my blog has been relatively simple, as it's something I truly enjoy. Funnily enough, the diet and exercise regime I also pledged to keep up crashed and burned at the first hurdle. Strange that.

One day last year, having pulled an all-nighter and smelling like an overflowing ashtray, I decided I was finally ready to stop smoking. I haven't lit up since and it's been surprisingly easy. I'd half-heartedly vowed to give up the cancer sticks practically every New Year's Eve for the last 20-odd years, but I knew deep down it was just an empty promise mumbled to myself; my heart simply wasn't in it.

So this year I've decided to give myself just one simple resolution: work less, live more. I've worked relentlessly since I was a teenager, with just the occasional sabbatical to go travelling. Not being able to have a baby means I've not had the pleasure of taking those child-rearing years off work like most of my peers. I decided a few months ago that just because I wasn't blessed with the gift of a family why should I deny myself the greatest gift of all: the gift of time?

Over the past four years, since I downsized my home and life - reluctantly at first due to my newly-single status - I've noticed a shift in my attitude. Whereas in years gone by I'd spend every last penny of my wages on buying shoes, clothes and nice things for the house, now I think carefully about whether I really want or need that item...and usually decide against buying it. My motto has become buy less, do more. I want to spend my money on living not having.

So it's a natural progression that I've now opted to reduce my working hours in line with my simpler life. As of this week, I'm cutting my hours to four days in seven. Put simply, as I get older I value my time over money. I'm trading in a chunk of my salary in exchange for an extra day a week doing what I want; I'm effectively buying a slice of my life back.

The way I see it, no amount of money is more precious than time. As long as I have food to eat, a roof over my head and enough spare cash for a spot of travel and fun, I'm happy to make sacrifices elsewhere. Once you have the essentials in life, everything else is just future landfill.

Rather than slog like a hamster in a wheel five days a week, month in, month out, focusing my beady little rodent eyes on some abstract concept of a relaxing retirement, I'm going to grab a little sliver of my time back now, while I'm still young enough - and healthy enough - to spend it doing the things I love.

Because here's the thing: life is what happens whilst you're making plans for the future. Yes you can avoid risk, stick to your resolutions, get a pension, eat your greens...but for what? A couple of extra eventless years tagged onto the end of your life in an old folks' home, blanket across your knees, rheumy eyes gazing off into the middle distance? No ta - I want more free time now.

For me, 2017 is going to be about finding a better work/life balance, making memories and pursuing my dreams. I'm going to write my first novel. There, I've said it, so I'll have to do it now. It might crash and burn, but I have to at least try (I've actually started writing books before but given up a few chapters in...but hey, God loves a trier, eh?). I'm going to sprinkle salt on the slug of self-doubt and plough on.

Sometimes we're so focused on making a living that we forget to make a life. The calendar flips over at an alarming rate; before you know it there won't be any time left to do all the things you really want to.

When I'm drawing my final breaths and my life flashes before my eyes, I don't want to have to press fast forward on great boring swathes of Sam Walsh: The Movie because most of it has been filmed at work...



photo credit

This article has also appeared in  The Huffington Post.

Fancy reading my back-story before you go any further? You can find my other blogs at:
www.costaricachica1.blogspot.com









Thursday, 15 December 2016

The 40 Year Old (I.T) Virgin




I've always liked the idea of being an 'IT Girl.' That's IT as in rhymes with fit, not IT as in Information Technology. As a teenager flicking through the glossy pages of Vogue (in the newsagents, before putting it back and buying More magazine), my secret ambition was to be an It Girl (well I didn't want my grammar school education going to waste, did I?).

I had visions of being an effortlessly chic and stylish siren, wafting in and out of parties, dry martini dangling from one perfectly manicured hand, on a cloud of Chanel number 5. It all sounded so glamorous, such fun - and so easy. You simply loitered casually around the swankiest bar you could find, primped and bouffed to within an inch of your young life, and your Prince Charming would appear in a puff of smoke (well, through clouds of cigarette smoke at least - you could smoke in bars in those days) and sweep you off your stiletto-clad feet...and into a life of elegant luxury.

Only that never happened. The slight flaw in my plan was the fact I lived in Bexley and not Bayswater, and the swankiest bar in town was....The Polo Bar. Where the men were chavvy rather than chivalrous. And not even men, it turned out. They were mostly pimply boy-racers named Dave or Steve, driving pimped-up Escorts and sporting snyde Ralph Lauren polo shirts with the collars turned up. You know the type: more no money than new money. The hours spent getting ready for a night out felt like a waste of make-up as soon as you got to the bar and had a quick scout about, talent-spotting. Jeez, the totty sure was thin on the ground. The fellas I seemed to attract like drunken moths to a flame were more Mr Potato Head than Mr Head of Finance.

I had a go at hanging around the King's Rd for a while in my late teens, but the cliquey Hooray Henry's seek out their own, and the Sloane Rangers could sniff out a Cockney (or Mockney, in my case, having been born in Kent) at a thousand paces - even (especially?) if it's doused liberally in Erith Market knock-off Chanel. Or perhaps it was my Joker-style attempt at a brick red pout that put them off (I was channelling Heath Ledger's interpretation of The Joker long before he was even a twitch in his dad's pants).

So my plan backfired.

By my early twenties I began to wish I'd studied IT instead of Latin, as any hopes of living in a penthouse in Knightsbridge with a gaggle of daschunds and an oligarch began to evaporate like my cheap synthetic fragrance. It was looking like I was just going to have to fend for myself. How very modern, I sighed. I still dressed up like a Disney princess on a night out, ever the optimist, but alas I was just a donkey making an ass of myself in a sea of Shreks.

Since I wasn't interested (or capable, probably) of being a doctor or a vet, and had zero interest in horticulture (I was more interested in hotty-culture), it quickly became apparent that Mr Chandler's Latin classes would be as much use in my future endeavours as a chocolate fireguard. The other occupation best suited to a Latin speaker is a Latin teacher, and judging by his rhino-hide skin, horn-rimmed glasses and miserable downcast expression, Mr C's career path wasn't a line of enquiry I was inspired to pursue.

So it was an endless merry-go-round of beauty and make-up artist jobs for me. Yes, Dear Reader, I'm afraid I ended up working in Harvey Nics instead of shopping there. Ah, the irony! I think I was subconsciously hoping some of the wealth would rub off; that by making up the faces of the It-girls, one day I'd meet a sister-from-a-richer-mister whom I'd instantly bond with; she'd whisk me off to Bond St for shopping and cocktails, before introducing me to her trustafarian brother and heir to the family fortune, Tarquin.

But alas, it was not to be. Oh I met many a Tarquin, for sure, but he usually had a bejewelled Tamara on his arm, looking down her perfect aquiline nose at me with smug condescension. She'd give a visible shudder as I thanked her with my weak vowels (chucking in a bit of gratuitous rhyming slang just to watch her wince), before snatching her bag of pricey products and turning on her Valentino heels to clip-clop off for a (liquid, fizzy) lunch on the 5th floor (because eating in public is sooo vulgar, sweetie).

Fortunately, life on the shop floor doesn't call for IT skills. There's no need to be tech-savvy when your day-to-day business involves comparing the merits of various caviar face creams. We specialised in soft skin, not software. By evening we were out clubbing, not poring over computer manuals: I prefer techno to technology. I'm more familiar with fish 'n' chips than microchips...and if you mention gigs I picture music concerts. Which is why I come unstuck in the modern world.

I love to write, but when it comes to code and formatting - forget it. You may as well be speaking in Japanese. My eyes glaze over and I zone out. If I'm having trouble sleeping, I whack an Excel tutorial on YouTube and I'm snoring quicker than if I'd swallowed a fistful of Valium. You know you're a technophobic dinosaur when your two-year-old nephew takes the ipad out of your hands with a sigh, before expertly flipping through the apps to find the one he likes.

My mind boggles when I'm blogging and I have a technical issue. Whenever someone praises my blog, I laugh nervously, terrified they'll discover I'm a fraud: one-finger tapping it out on an ancient Amstrad. That's a joke, by the way. I have a beautiful baby named Mac - well, her full name is MacBook - and she's been keeping me awake all night just like the real thing. I look blankly at her while she makes noises at me, wondering when I'll learn how to look after properly. These things don't come with a manual, you know (oh no actually they do - I was confusing her with a real baby for a moment there).





Somehow, amidst the travelling, the partying and the chaotic noise of life, I forgot to tick the achievement box marked "PC literate" on my CV (Curriculum Vitae - see, fluent in Latin). Anyone will tell you I'm the most un-PC person, in all senses of the term. I'm a 40-year-old I.T virgin.

So if anyone fancies popping my Apple cherry, I'm all yours. No gooseberries allowed, just a right pear of sorts. I'll whip out my Blackberry and let's get fruity. I've got all-you-can-eat data on the Orange network so we can really go bananas. I'm not taking the pith, I'm just a bit of a plum on the 'puter.

Sorry. I'll stop.

It would appear my puns are about as good as my IT skills - and my fruitless attempts at becoming an It-Girl.



Fancy reading my back-story before you go any further? You can find my other blogs at:


Thursday, 14 July 2016

Festival Chic vs Mud-Covered Freak

                                     


Oh festivals how I love thee! Dancing in a field, sun shining, arms slung casually round the bronzed shoulders of a bunch of beaming mates - you can't beat it. That's a Kodak moment right there. When I'm on my deathbed, flicking through my mental back-catalogue of fondest memories, there will definitely be a couple of festival snapshots thrown in: squinting in the sunshine at the camera, carnival-style carnage all around.
Although this love of mine, this festival fondness, it's not unconditional - not by any means. These festivals of fun are not beloved offspring who can do no wrong. No, I love them just as long as they comply with a strict list of prerequisites:

1/ There must be sun...or at least a pretty good chance of it. None of this mid-May madness. (Yes, Glastonbury, I'm talking to you).

2/ An abundance of covered dance tents are essential in case of rain (although rain is, of course, forbidden).

3/ They must last just one day - no camping required.

4/ Must be easily commutable from Kent.

Not too much to ask, really. Funnily enough, "mashed mud-wrestling" does not make my festival shortlist.

Does that make me a proper festival-goer, or a half-hearted charlatan, merely dipping a toe in the muddy festival waters?

Well, you certainly won't catch me in grungy hippy get-up, gleefully caterpillaring through the gunk at Glasto, or giving a cheerful thumbs-up as my flimsy tent floats downstream in a downpour. Even if the backdrop is my favourite band, belting out killer beats.

The problem with camping? It's in tents (....intense?). Ba-dum-tsh!



                                                       
Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed camping in the past, but we're talking sleeping under the stars alongside Ayers Rock in the Aussie outback, or perched atop a misty mountain in Peru whilst on the Inca Trail.....not festering knee-deep in mud under the slate skies of Somerset, catching the down-wind whiff from rows of overflowing pissers.

A trip to Millets is not my idea of fun. Even the concept of "glamping" doesn't get my juices flowing when it's cold, damp and well, BRITAIN, outside. A turd rolled in glitter is still a turd, after all.

I'm slightly ashamed to admit it, but I must confess: I'm a Fairweather Festival-Goer.

As with any long-awaited event, the build up is almost as exciting as the big day itself: there's the circling of the date on the calendar, months in advance. Then comes the rounding up of your mates, the tagging on Facebook with a hopeful "who's in?"


Later comes the ticket-buying, the choosing of an outfit, accessories and those cutesy mini festival essentials that us girls love: teeny bottles of anti-bac gel, mini packets of wetwipes. It's like prepping for a holiday, albeit a very short one.




A fringed cross-body bag is a must for hands-free raving, along with ankle boots as a show of optimism vis-a-vis expected bog levels (wearing wellies is just encouraging mud tsunamis - you may as well do a raindance). Am I too old for bindis and face gems, I wonder? Who the hell cares, they're going on!

The look I'm aiming for is casual boho chic: a floaty summer dress roughed up with edgy jewellery and cute battered boots, maybe a tatty denim jacket to keep out the "summer" chill. Sunnies are of course, compulsory, if only to hide the glazed goggle-eyed expression that often accompanies daytime drinking. I have to admit, the look that starts off as Boho slowly evolves into hobo....and is probably closer to SuBo by the end of the celebrations.

As the party looms, I'll be anxiously checking the weather for imminent typhoons, "watching" rainproof ponchos on Ebay and pondering purchasing waterproof mascara, since the "6ft panda-eyed raver" look is not quite the one I'm hoping for.

Post 40, the windswept matted hair and gothic smudgy eyeliner sported by "real" festival-goers is no longer endearing - you just exude an air of desperation, as if clinging by gnarled nails to one's youth. At best, it exhibits an amateurish lack of prep. No, I prefer ninja-style planning tactics, so that on the day I'm (seemingly effortlessly) ready for any eventuality that the cruel British summer may throw at me.

Come rain, hail or shine (usually all three at once, knowing our country's appalling weather record) I'm there, shaking my money-maker. Hot, dry weather brings it's own set of problems, of course: lobster-like sunburn plus huge clouds of dust that fill your lungs as the moshing masses get into the groove. One day of all that is enough for me.

Yes, I've watched Glastonbury on the tellybox. I've scrolled through mates' messy shots of their "epic Glasto bender" with a teensy sense of envy....but then I remember that it's spring, it's freezing and they will be picking crusty mud out of their belly-buttons for months to come, and I soon get over it. I crank up the heating, pour myself a large Sauvignon and switch to Netflix whilst I wait for the whole unpleasant experience to blow over.

Even in August the UK weather is far from guaranteed. I remember one particularly soggy SW4 festival when the heavens opened the second we laid one besandaled big toe on Clapham Common. It was a total washout. The tents were rammed to bursting with clammy bodies, steam rising from frizzy heads as everyone gyrated to the music like funky drowned rats. When the tents were simply too full to allow any more partgoers respite from the rain, restless revellers huddled together in portaloos or cowered by wheelie bins, their lids flapped outwards to provide a makeshift plastic roof. It was a sorry state of affairs.

And if said portaloos are festering cesspits by 2pm on a one-day music event, I can only imagine the bio-hazardous hell-holes they become during a week-long shindig. I've witnessed Trainspotting-worthy scenes at Lovebox whereby squiffy partygoers,  elbow-deep in waste, attempt to retrieve precious iPhones from loos. Shudder. One tipsy girl had accidentally dropped her designer suede handbag into the bowl and was weeping silently as she yanked it from the slurry, door open to allow her to breathe, albeit with one arm held over her nose. Bleugh.

                                 
All this unpleasantness is just part and parcel of a festival : the dodgy weather, puke-making portakabins, overpriced cider, dirty burgers and lunch-curdling fairground rides that look as though they're one loose screw away from a disaster.

But let's not forget the real reason we're all here, stomping in unison in this muddy field : our collective love of the music. That sense of utter freedom and carefree abandon that only comes whilst throwing some shapes out in the fresh air, cavorting to your favourite ear candy.




I skip and swirl to the music, hyperactive as I high-five randoms, all of us fully embracing the experience. I suck up the atmosphere....right up until the very last tune, squeezing every last drop from the shenanigans.

Then it's onto some afterparty or other, carried along by the surging throng as everyone makes a bee-line for the tube. Several more hours of partying ensue, until we collapse, exhausted, into the back of a taxi as the sun comes up.
   
I never know where we'll end up - that's all part of the fun - but one thing's for absolute certain: when I do eventually allow my shattered body to succumb to slumber, it'll be in the comfort of my own bed...




....not some water-logged tent.









Fancy reading my back-story before you go any further? You can find my other blogs at:
www.costaricachica1.blogspot.com
www.samgoessolo.blogspot.com
www.mummymission.blogspot.com
www.worldwidewalsh.blogspot.com

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